PimpMyHealth

The phenomenon that is dating is a somewhat fickle event even at the best of times. I am at the grand old age of 21 and still don’t fully grasp the bloody thing, however one thing I have learnt is that money and thought invested in the date is often a large determinant of the outcome. Please see my equation below:

Money x Thought = Outcome of date (i.e. another date)

This isn’t to say you need to spend loads of money on the date, but it does mean if you don’t spend a lot of money on the date proposed, by god it better be thoughtful. In essence the quality of the input (money and thought) will largely determine the outcome (another date) much like when you are trying to build muscle mass; the quality of protein put in your pie hole (Biological Value of the Protein) will largely determine the outcome (whether you build muscle or not.) As always permit me to elaborate and draw a comparison:

All macronutrients (protein, carbohydrates and fats) contain carbon, oxygen and hydrogen, but it is only protein that contains the additional molecule nitrogen. Thus by measuring the amount of nitrogen excreted from the body you can determine the amount of protein in the body and since 70% of protein in the body is found in the muscles, this can give a great indication of the body muscle building capability. This is known as the Nitrogen Balance of the body, and there are 3 basic types of Nitrogen balances in the body:

-    Positive: Optimal for muscle growth this is where the nitrogen intake is greater than nitrogen output (nitrogen intake > nitrogen output) i.e. Muscles are in an anabolic state

-    Negative: Greatly detrimental to muscle growth, this is where nitrogen intake is less than nitrogen output (nitrogen intake < nitrogen output) i.e. muscles are in a catabolic state.

-    Equilibrium: No gains are really made when you are in equilibrium, this is where the nitrogen intake is the same as nitrogen output (nitrogen intake = nitrogen output) i.e. your muscles don’t progress or regress

Now there are a few factors that will determine whether you have a positive, negative or equilibrium nitrogen balance in the body but I wish to concentrate on the main 2, these being Rest and the quality of protein you consume.

Rest: This refers to the hours slept per day, rest from strength training and hours recovery after strength work out.

Quality of Protein: The quality of the protein is determined by fining out its Biological Value, this measures how well the body can absorb and utilize a protein. The higher the Biological Value of the protein you use, the more nitrogen your body can absorb, use, and retain. As a result, proteins with the highest BV promote the most lean muscle gains since they create a positive nitrogen balance within the body.

Lastly allow me to explain how the 2 factors (Rest and Quality of Protein) can result in the three possible nitrogen balances:

-    Positive: This is where you are consuming High Biological Value Protein (e.g. chicken, egg whites, beef, whey protein) and also having adequate rest from strength training. Therefore you’ve the necessary materials (High BV Protein) and invested adequate time into resting, for your muscles to repair and grow. This is very similar to what is considered a good date; enough money is invested so not to appear cheap (but not too much that you are considered flash) and ample thought has gone into the preparation, outcome: high chance of second date.

-    Equilibrium: This is where you are consuming High Biological Value Protein (e.g. chicken, egg whites, beef, whey protein) but perhaps you are not getting enough rest from strength training. Aliken this to a ringside seat date at a Cage Fight, perhaps a lot of money invested but unless your dates a big blood sports fan I’m thinking she is going to score you quite low on the ‘thoughtfulness’ scale. Or perhaps you were ultra thoughtful and decided to take her to favourite ballet, but decided you didn’t want to pay and so had her sneak in through the back entrance and watch the entire show hiding under the stairs from security.

-    Negative: This is where you are consuming Low Biological Value Protein (e.g. processed meats, luncheon meats…etc) and you are not getting enough rest from strength training. Often people are unaware they are in this state, believing all protein is the same or too enthusiastically training whilst depriving their body of rest. Similarly some men have taken their dates to what they believe to be a fantastic restaurant; service is very quick, seems very popular and great value for money getting a whole meal for £5….. but the reality is their female companion is less than impressed with her happy meal at MacDonald’s.

It’s quite late on a Sunday night and I find myself doing some last minute packing before departing tomorrow morning for the south of France. I personally am just packing the essentials however my older brother seems to think there will be a need for the 5 jumpers he is putting into his case, at a predicted 36 Degrees I’m thinking his knitwear may prove pretty useless. This then got me thinking, what else do people incorporate in their lives that really are not needed…hmmmm….???…watches that say they go to 500m below sea level, stringed vests and lastly sugar. Yes the latter is terrible; sugar has so many detrimental affects to the body, infact:

Sugar is needed in the diet about as much as trump scented perfume, since it causes blood glucose to spike and plummet

Sugary foods/ High Glycaemic Index/ Fast releasing carbohydrates cause blood sugar levels to become unstable thus leading to mood swings, headaches, fatigue, cravings and therefore fat gain. Since any sugar that enters your ‘pie hole’ (mouth) causes a rise in blood sugar levels and also endorphins (feel good hormones) so you feel fantastic for a few minutes until your blood sugar levels drop dramatically. This is not a nice feeling and so you go for some more sugary foods to pick you up again, and so the craving cycle and journey to Chubsville begins.

Sugar is needed in the diet about as much as Solar panelled flashlight since sugar interferes with the body’s immune system

Now research on this topic is still somewhat vague however scientists do know that bacteria and yeast feed on sugar and that, “when these organisms get out of balance in the body, infections and illness are more likely.”

Sugar is needed in the diet about as much as Condoms when trying for a baby since sugar increases the risk of obesity, Type II diabetes, heart disease and forms of cancer

Research has revealed that the more Sugary foods/ High Glycaemic Index/ Fast releasing carbohydrates you consume the higher your risk of becoming obese. And obesity is directly related to cardiovascular disease, diabetes and different forms of cancer.

Sugar is needed in the diet about as much as Stairs in a bungalow since a high-sugar diet often results in chromium deficiency.

If your diet consists of a lot of Sugary foods/ High Glycaemic Index/ Fast releasing carbohydrates chances are you don’t get enough of the mineral Chromium inside that body of yours. This is bad news; since Chromium’s main function is regulate blood sugar levels (permit me to refer you back to my first point entitled ‘Sugar is needed in the diet about as much as trump scented perfume’ to remind you what unstable blood sugar levels lead to.) Foods containing chromium include a variety of plant, animal and seafoods but sugary foods strip these foods of their chromium supplies. Furthermore processed refined foods often have the chromium extracted, why food companies do this? I haven’t the foggiest, but the idiots do, haha.

Once again I thank thee for reading through the ramblings of a nutty Englishman, haha, until next time…I bid you adieu x

My two favourite foods in the entire world…..Anne Summers Body Paint Chocolate & Broccoli, both great foods but both for very different reasons, as always allow me to explain (and yes please bare with me this is going somewhere and yes it does have something to do with health, fitness and six-packs, haha).

Now Anne Summers Body Chocolate makes for a fantastic, small, novelty gift that can be given to your partner around birthdays, Christmas’ but perhaps mainly valentines’ day and anniversaries. It conveys that you are a sexual, slightly romantic and a little cheeky…quite a good combination. Gift-wrapped broccoli on the other hand may not convey such a great message to your other half. In fact you’d do well to keep them after producing such a gift. So why does broccoli make it into ‘Ross Top Food list?’ Well simple, for its amazing cancer fighting qualities, it’s practically natures chemotherapy in the form of a green, leafy, fibrous vegetable. Although the chemical composition of broccoli is very complex, and so it is unclear the exact individual compounds of the broccoli that fight against cancer. Yet it is believed:

The Vitamin C content in the broccoli greatly aids in the prevention of cancer since Vitamin C is an anti-oxidant that prevents harmful free radicals from causing damage within the body.

The phytochemicals found in broccoli (namely compounds called isothiocyanates) not only act as anti-oxidants but they also boost detoxifying enzymes in the body.

Broccoli may alter the bodies oestrogen levels, thus might reduce the risk of breast cancer

Secondly and perhaps more obviously, the Ann Summers Body Chocolate makes a great ‘boudoir desert.’ It is a little cheeky and kinky without being too sordid and both the ‘licker’ and ‘lickee’ get to enjoy themselves. On the other hand cover your partner from head to toe in green broccoli stems and leaves and I can’t seem them becoming that aroused, unless of course they have a fetish for vegetables in which case go to the local green grocer, load your shopping basket and go nuts, whatever floats your boat that’s what I say. But this is not to say Broccoli is not without its charms, regarding aesthetics (or looking good) our green leafy friend can make all the difference. You see, as already mentioned, broccoli yields indoles that are compounds that aid in the control of estrogen (the female hormone.) This is fantastic for men wanting to improve the appearance of their abs, since lower oestrogen levels means:

• Your body will hold less water (water retention/edema)
• Your body is able to achieve lower body fat levels easier
• Your body will have enhanced testosterone levels

So there you have it Anne Summers Body Chocolate and Brassica Oleracea Italica a.k.a. Broccoli, your 2 new best friends. However use them wisely, separately and only for their individual intended purposes, follow these rules and I guarantee both your relationship and training will improve.

Awkward silences, stories of shopping trips and lengthy discussions about Sex and the City…gentleman this date is not going well and so I find myself mulling over two issues that are of grave importance to both me and you…… dating and the dieting aspects of getting cut up. You see my theorem is that the two are not overly dissimilar; while she continues to talk about the reunion of Take That allow me to share my musings:

I believe someone’s diet has to follow certain guidelines when embarking upon a mission to try and lower their body fat percentage; this exact same principle applies when a man embarks upon a mission to woo a young lady on a first date. Essentially the man will either secure a second date (achieve the body he wants) or crash n burn, meaning his next date is going to involve late night TV, a box of tissues and Palmer Handerson a.k.a. his right hand.

However never fear good sirs …. read on if you want that chiselled ripped body you’ve always wanted and wish to avoid that somewhat lonely ‘night-in’ with Ms Handerson:

First and foremost it is essential that you avoid eating any saturated fats, hydrogenated oils, refined white carbohydrates and sugars. This is dieting suicide and much like asking a girl her age or weight there is never a good time to do it.

No carbohydrates after 6pm, nothing to eat after 7-8pm and have your larger meals during the morning since your body’s metabolism slows down when your asleep so any access calories or carbohydrates that are still in your stomach at night will be stored as fat when you sleep. Hard to do I know, and we all do it now and then, but exactly like looking down your dates top you can’t do this all the time.

Get a good source of Essential fatty acids (EFA’s) every day, since these are the fat burning agents which are going to greatly aid in keeping your body fat low. Neglecting this is fat loss suicide; in fact neglecting this is almost as bad as asking, “so how big are they,” don’t do it, no matter how curios you are.

Eat roughly 7 small meals throughout the day; keep the total calories the same but change the frequency of eating as this will ensure your blood sugar levels remain consistent (stop your cravings) and your body will be able to digest the food and burn the calories more efficiently. So like your dance moves, keep things moderate, since even Casanova could have lost a girl should he have busted out the Robot.

Eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables because they contain enzymes that support the body’s metabolism and bodily functions. This really is a ‘must’ not doing this is like turning up to a date without your trousers.

Drink lots of water this is a must, just like you must keep all bodily gasses, namely farts and burps, inside of you and resist the temptation to emit them. No matter how funny you think it may be, chances are she won’t be as dazzled by your performance as your mates.

So there you have it gentleman, heed my words and hopefully you will have that chiselled body you’ve always wanted and be able to end relations with Ms. Handerson for good. Next issue I shall be writing about the training aspects of getting cut up but for now, if you will forgive me, I really must find a way to end this date.

When mummy and daddy Einstein gave birth to a baby Albert they didn’t immediately send the bambino off to university to learn about advanced theoretical physics. And when mummy and daddy Knievel produced a young Evel they didn’t stick the little lad on a rocket powered bike and send him flying over a few dozen cars in the hope he’s a quick learner. No sirey this is not good parenting and nor is it good teaching hence why I thought it best to begin with the very basics of increasing muscle mass and then as the weeks progress my articles will get increasingly more complex in content.

So permit me to start with what I like to call, ‘Ross’ 5 Key Nutritional Points for a Mahoosive Muscley you!’

1.6g of protein per kg of bodyweight per day

Very important this point… 1.6g of protein per kg of bodyweight must be put into your chops everyday. Example:
Paddy McDoogle a retired Irish champion jockey has ended his lucrative 10-year career and now wishes to become Mr Olympia. So he logged onto www.sixpacknow.com and upon reading a fantastic article written by that all knowing fitness guru Ross Edgley, haha, he discovered he needed to work out how much protein he should eat to increase his muscle mass. Paddy’s calculations are shown below:

Paddy’s weight: 55 kg
55 x 1.6 = 88

Note: This is a rough calculation of the minimum amount of protein Paddy McDoogle should be consuming if he wants to increases muscle mass, protein intake will obviously increase if his training intensity, frequency or duration increases.

And so according to his calculations paddy knows he needs 88 grams of protein per day, combined with a good strength training program and then in no time he will be crowned Mr Olympia… CHAMPION!!

15-30g of Protein every 2 hours (depending on your calculated daily consumption)

Keeping with our example of our retired jockey champion turned pro bodybuilder Paddy; we stated our Irish friend needed 88 grams of protein per day. This is not to say the little guy chows down on 88 grams in one sitting, no, no, no. Since this is too much for the little fellas body to digest in one sitting and the excess protein would turn into toxins in the body and (without trying to sound crude) he would be trumping like a brass band. The key is to spread the 88 grams out throughout the day, consuming it all over 6-7 meals.

Low GI/ Slow Releasing Carbohydrates 1.5 g – 2g per kg of bodyweight per day

Once again very important this point… 1.5 grams – 2 grams of Low GI/ Slow Releasing carbohydrates per kg of bodyweight must be put into your chops everyday.

Example: Grandma Molly was the National Embroidery and Knitting Champion 4 years running; however after her 4 consecutive win she found she had lost the desire, the love she once had for the game. And so she decided, that now she had conquered the world of Embroidery and Knitting, she would now try and conquer the world of American Football. But weighing in at 45 kg Grandma Molly knows she has to put on some muscle, so she logged onto www.sixpacknow.com and upon reading a fantastic article written by that all knowing fitness guru Ross Edgley, haha, she discovered she needed to work out how many carbohydrates she should eat to increase her muscle mass. Grandma Molly’s calculations are shown below:

Grandma Molly’s weight: 45 kg
45 x 1.5 = 67.5 grams
45 x 2 = 90 grams

Note: This is a rough calculation of the minimum amount of carbohydrates Grandma Molly should be consuming if she wants to increases muscle mass, carbohydrate intake will obviously increase if her training intensity, frequency or duration increases.

And so according to the calculations of Grandma Molly if she eats between 67.5 – 90 grams of carbohydrates a day combined with a good strength training routine, she will be executing bone-crunching tackles in the NFL in no time.

500 Surplus Calories needed per day 

Perhaps quite obvious however I thought it needed stating, you need to be putting 500 more calories down your pie hole than you ‘burn off’ per day if your body’s muscles are to have any chance of repairing and growing. Aliken it to the building of a house, you wouldn’t trying constructing yourself an abode with only 4 bricks, a cup of cement, 2 roof tiles and some Paper Mache, well at least I hope you wouldn’t. Then don’t try building yourself a bigger and better body if you don’t put enough ‘materials’ down your chops.

Good fats

Now that we have mentioned the quantity of ‘materials’/ food you need to construct yourself a mahoosive muscley body, permit to talk about the quality of grub you should be chowing down on, more specifically Essential Fatty Acids or Good Fats. These can be found in nuts, fish, flax seed oil, udo’s oil and avocados and are vital to muscle growth and repair so ensure you get a good supply in your diet (should roughly make up 10-15% of your diet.) Trying to increase muscle mass with a diet absent from quality EFA’s is like trying to build an extension on your house only using Blue tak, prick stick (maybe superglue for the really hard jobs) and some sticky tape, alas tis not going to happen.

So there you have it good people, ‘Ross’ 5 Key Nutritional Points for a Mahoosive Muscley you!’ read, learn, enjoy and be merry : )