Awkward silences, stories of shopping trips and lengthy discussions about Sex and the City…gentleman this date is not going well and so I find myself mulling over two issues that are of grave importance to both me and you…… dating and the dieting aspects of getting cut up. You see my theorem is that the two are not overly dissimilar; while she continues to talk about the reunion of Take That allow me to share my musings:

I believe someone’s diet has to follow certain guidelines when embarking upon a mission to try and lower their body fat percentage; this exact same principle applies when a man embarks upon a mission to woo a young lady on a first date. Essentially the man will either secure a second date (achieve the body he wants) or crash n burn, meaning his next date is going to involve late night TV, a box of tissues and Palmer Handerson a.k.a. his right hand.

However never fear good sirs …. read on if you want that chiselled ripped body you’ve always wanted and wish to avoid that somewhat lonely ‘night-in’ with Ms Handerson:

First and foremost it is essential that you avoid eating any saturated fats, hydrogenated oils, refined white carbohydrates and sugars. This is dieting suicide and much like asking a girl her age or weight there is never a good time to do it.

No carbohydrates after 6pm, nothing to eat after 7-8pm and have your larger meals during the morning since your body’s metabolism slows down when your asleep so any access calories or carbohydrates that are still in your stomach at night will be stored as fat when you sleep. Hard to do I know, and we all do it now and then, but exactly like looking down your dates top you can’t do this all the time.

Get a good source of Essential fatty acids (EFA’s) every day, since these are the fat burning agents which are going to greatly aid in keeping your body fat low. Neglecting this is fat loss suicide; in fact neglecting this is almost as bad as asking, “so how big are they,” don’t do it, no matter how curios you are.

Eat roughly 7 small meals throughout the day; keep the total calories the same but change the frequency of eating as this will ensure your blood sugar levels remain consistent (stop your cravings) and your body will be able to digest the food and burn the calories more efficiently. So like your dance moves, keep things moderate, since even Casanova could have lost a girl should he have busted out the Robot.

Eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables because they contain enzymes that support the body’s metabolism and bodily functions. This really is a ‘must’ not doing this is like turning up to a date without your trousers.

Drink lots of water this is a must, just like you must keep all bodily gasses, namely farts and burps, inside of you and resist the temptation to emit them. No matter how funny you think it may be, chances are she won’t be as dazzled by your performance as your mates.

So there you have it gentleman, heed my words and hopefully you will have that chiselled body you’ve always wanted and be able to end relations with Ms. Handerson for good. Next issue I shall be writing about the training aspects of getting cut up but for now, if you will forgive me, I really must find a way to end this date.